


Gilbert’s Boy Toy

by WatermelonAntlers



Series: 12 Days Of Prumano Crack [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Play, Crack Fic, Did not take this seriously, Earring Magic Ken, Elf, Elves, M/M, Paisleigh is their daughter btw, School Play, Trashy Fortnite References, crack fic kinda, santa, toy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 23:59:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17233598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatermelonAntlers/pseuds/WatermelonAntlers
Summary: There’s a play that Paisleigh’s school (Paisleigh is Lovino and Gilbert’s child btw just letting you know) and they need somebody to play Santa, so of course Gilbert volunteers. Gilbert being Gilbert, he has to drag Lovino along too.





	Gilbert’s Boy Toy

    It wasn’t such a stretch to say that Lovino hated life. It really wasn’t, especially during the couple months prior to the play. The school Gilbert and Lovino sent Paisleigh to was putting on a Christmas play. It focused on something with Santa’s elves, Lovino didn’t really know. However because it was an elementary school, and elves are small, the school either needed a really tall child to be Santa or a parent. So of course Gilbert volunteered, which also meant he just “had” to bring Lovino along. Through Gilbert’s begging Lovino somehow was now an extra in the background, but only because he was small enough to pass as a child.

 

    “I really don’t see how you need to grow out your beard, Gilbitch,” Lovino said as he and his husband played Super Smash Bros when Paisleigh was at school one day, “they’ll just give you a fake one to tape on your face.”

    “Yeah but that’ll look fake as fuck,” Gilbert said as he pushed Lovino’s character off the ledge in the game, “and besides it’ll already be white so I won’t have to dye it!”

    Lovino rolled his eyes, “Whatever. When is the first rehearsal that I have to go to?”

    “Lovino Beilschmidt, taking an interest in something? It really is a Christmas miracle babe!” Gilbert said as the game timer ran out.

    Lovino stood up, trying not to seem heartbroken at how he lost the game, “Just so I know when to kill myself by.”

    Gilbert jumped off of the couch, and wrapped his arms around Lovino, “Aw, don’t be a grouch-er, grouch-er.” 

    “I’m not a grouch-er bitch.”

    Gilbert pecked Lovino with a kiss, “Love you.”

    Lovino sighed, “Fuck off.”

 

YeetleFeetleBeetleOnASkeetle

 

    “Okay okay, sing.”

    “I am not singing.”

    “You have to though.”

    “No I do not.”

    “You can like write the lyrics on your hand or something babe,” Gilbert whined as he hung upside down off of the couch the next day. 

    “I know the lyrics,” Lovino said, stirring the lemonade in the kitchen. For architectural aesthetic there wasn’t a wall between the living room and the kitchen, with the dining room squished right in between the two other rooms. Lovino poured the lemonade into two glasses and brought them back to the living room. He handed one to Gilbert, “You sing them 24/7.”

    Gilbert giggled, “Yeah I know.”

    “Like I thought you moaning, “The FitnessGram Pacer Test,” during sex was bad. Now I have to listen to butchered Christmas Carols with Fortnite references.”

    “Hey don’t diss the Fortnite,” Gilbert whined.

    “Faggot.”

    “Yeah but I’m your faggot.”

    Lovino sighed, “Shut up.”

 

YeetleFeetleBeetleOnASkeetle

 

    “When is this going to be over?” Lovino whispered to Gilbert during his first practice session.

    Gilbert starched his now patchy white beard, feigning being deep in thought, “T minus 102 minutes.”

    Lovino sighed, “I hate this, how do these 5 year olds sit through this shit.”

    The girl sitting in front of them turned around, “I’m 7 excuse you.”

    “Shut the fuck up kid and go suck on your soother or something.”

    “What I want to know is just how much schoolwork is replaced by this?” Gilbert said, “Like we don’t pay for our kids to put on plays during school hours!”

    Lovino rolled his eyes, and kissed Gilbert, “Honey your conservative side is showing,” he said after pulling away.

    Gilbert snorted and hit his head on Lovino’s, accidentally knocking Lovino out.

 

YeetleFeetleBeetleOnASkeetle

 

    “What the absolute fuck is that supposed to be?” Lovino asked, staring at the costume Gilbert laid out on their bed.

    “Your costume!” Gilbert chirped, and from behind wrapped his arms around Lovino’s waist. His beard was now long enough that it attacked Lovino’s neck in this position, “Mrs. Berding said you were a toy remember?”

    “I’m not sure if that is what she meant Gilbert.”

    “Well I got permission to chose the costume, since you know how chill Mrs. Berding is, and since the play is set in the early 90s I chose this!” Gilbert said, obviously proud of himself.

    Lovino turned around to face Gilbert, still held by his husband’s arms, “And you think I will wear this,” he said, not even asking despite phrasing it as a question.

    “Yeah uh yeah!” Gilbert said, “Earring Magic Ken is the best!”

    “I am not dressing up as Gay 90s Ken.”

    Gilbert pouted, “Aww come on, don’t be a party pooper babe.”

    “And I am definitely not wearing a cock ring as a necklace.”

    “But it's  _ our  _ cock ring,” Gilbert whined, “Doesn't that mean anything to you?”

    “Ew! What the fuck Gilbert!” Lovino pushed Gilbert away from him and onto the floor.

    “Oh come on Lovino.” Gilbert said from the floor, “I thought you liked being my boy toy.”

    Lovino crouched down to eye level with Gilbert, and grabbed a fistful of Gilbert’s beard, “Do you  _ want _ to do dishes for the next month?”

    “No daddy.”

    Lovino rolled his eyes, “Dishes  _ and  _ no sex.”

    Gilbert quickly scrambled up and grabbed the Earring Magic Ken costume and shoved it in their drawer of sex toys and kinky costumes, “Fine I’ll get you like a teddy bear costume.”

    “Will it show my face?”

    “Of course not honey bear.”

    “Thank you.”

    “Am I still grounded from sex though daddy?”

    “...No.”


End file.
